ashley lane

I am really trying to focus on all the emotions I am feeling right now. I need to face them head on - not bottle them up and push them deep down like I typically do. As soon as I can overcome them, I feel like I will really be able to move on.

Cold Case of Love

I don’t need proof

I’m torn apart and you know

What you did to me was a crime

Cold case of love

And I let you reach me one more time

But that’s enough

We opened up a cold case of love

And it got the best of us

Should’ve investigated

But love blinded eyes couldn’t see

And then I tried to cage it

But your love isn’t the kind you can keep

Release me now cause I did my time

Of this cold case of love

My heart’s no longer cold and confined

I’ve had enough

We opened up a cold case of love

And it got the best of us

We lost our way

Took this too far

Now I’ll never find the pieces of my heart

We’ve lost enough

Looking for a truth

That was here all along

We opened up a cold case of love

And it got the best of us

Goals for 2010

Kick ass at work, or I should say continue to kick ass at work - I just know that promotion is so close.

Become a sizzling hot Latin ballroom dancer - seriously I have six lessons at one of the best studios in Dallas to get me started on my way; it could happen. :)

Really let someone in - I dated a few men in 2009, but honestly never really let them in or gave them a chance. A guy I dated for a couple months said to me “I can’t figure you out” and actually told me again about seven months later that he still couldn’t figure me out when I saw him at a wedding. I was insulted by his comment, but knew exactly why he couldn’t “figure me out.” It was because I never let him in. I mean I was completely and honestly myself with him, but the truth is I didn’t want to let him in on those little things that you only share with people you really care about. I didn’t want to get hurt again so every man I dated I kept at arm’s length. The last time I gave my heart to someone, it was broken not once or twice but now three times. (I know, pathetic.) So it is time to move on - really move on. Let the past go, stop holding onto ridiculous fantasies about what could be and move on. Let someone in to know me; all of me.

Become a P90X success story - Leslie and I both have P90X now and we have until May to get in top shape. We have a support system in place. Now we just need to follow through with our plans. It’s going to be hard and take a lot of time, but totally worth it.

Take a restaurant management course - I have this dream of owning a restaurant/bakery/adorable boutique of my favorite things all in one place. I have to start somewhere, so why not start with learning what it takes to manage a restaurant or bakery.

Make more of an effort with my friends - I’ve always thought of myself as being a good friend, but lately I have really been sucking at it. I’ve been terrible and my friends are fabulous people that deserve only the best friends. So I promise to call more, write more and visit more.

I think that’s a good start for now. If you know me you know that there will probably be more. I’m restless I know, but for me 2010 is a year to stop always dreaming about the future and instead a year about just living in the now and enjoying every minute of it.

2010

Do you think it’s true that if you want something bad enough, it will happen? I really hope that’s the case. I never wanted something more, but it’s just not happening for me and I’m beginning to wonder if it ever will.

I was reeled in again and left heartbroken - on a holiday too. I love any holiday - they bring so much cheer and joy; I just absolutely love how happy people always are on holidays. It gives me energy; so much joy. And, now what should be a great holiday filled with happiness, laughter and lots of smiles from reminiscing about fun times you had and looking forward to the times to come with friends and family, is now tainted and the start to 2010 is……..well, it just sucks. Do you think a bad New Year’s sets the tone for the rest of the year?

So far 2010 is not off to a good start, and it’s really hard to try to maintain a positive attitude. Things will turn around……..right? Right now, I can’t help but think no they won’t, but my heart says yes, yes they will.

January Horoscope

I’m on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio, so I read both….

Libra: Several planets in Capricorn and our house of family matters will keep you extremely busy for the first half of the month, Libra, but not to worry. Do your duty to your loved ones, especially elders, who may be having problems with Mercury’s retrograde period, which won’t end until the 15th. As “other-oriented” as you are, you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t help them out, anyway. On the 17th, however, Jupiter will enter Pisces, a sign that’s almost as romantic as your own, and you’ll be ready for romance and lots of it. Power days: 6, 13, 24

Scorpio: Lucky you, Scorpio. On the 17th, Jupiter the stars’ gift-giver, will enter romantic, dreamy pisces and your house of lovers for an entire year. If you’re not attached, prepare for quite the parade of admirers, starting on this date. In the meantime, you may have to deal with a few little aggravations, brought to you courtesy of Mercury’s retrograde through your house of communications, but all that will be a distant memory once he moves direct on the 15th and conspires with the Solar Eclipse to bring all kinds of new and interesting friends into your life. Power days: 17, 18, 19

Weak

I sure do act tough and strong, but I am weak….oh so very weak.